It's come to this

Last night there was only one person who showed up for the FP4H class.  Thanks Gladys for being faithful in your attendance, coming prepared and participating.  It's showing.  The numbers on the scale are going down.  You're looking great and I know you're feeling pretty good too -- especially when you laid down on the floor last night to demonstrate a low back exercise.  You got back up with almost no effort... not something every grandmother can do!

Of course I knew some of the other ladies had other commitments and I know they'll be back.  But the vast majority of the class has just slowly faded away without saying a word or sending an email. I feel bad for them because they've just added another layer of guilt to their already burdened heart and chances are they headed to the nearest cupboard looking for something to sooth their guilt.

I know this is the reality because I lived it tonight.  I came home and felt like quitting.  I was discouraged and felt like a failure as a leader.

My husband was just serving himself a bowl of ice cream (a nightly ritual for him) and I had him scoop out a bowl for me.  I needed something sweet to erase the bitterness of the failure of the evening.

Then the unimaginable happened.  After 44 years, my husband asked me about my weight.  He wanted to know how much I weighed.

Really?

Of all nights you ask me how much I weigh???

When I didn't answer he asked me again. "How much do you weigh?"

Silence.  Do I tell him the number on the scale?  Do I do the best imitation of a politician and avoid answering the question?  Do I answer with some witty remark or come back with the kind of answer that will start an argument and deflect the original question?  Or should I just be honest and open and answer him?

Finally I answered -- with THE NUMBER.  Ouch!  It was painful. It was embarrassing.

I'm at a crossroads now.  Do I just give up?  Give up trying to lead a class where no one shows up?  Give up trying to make healthy choices about the food I eat.  Give up exercising?

Or do I keep trying?  Prepare for the weekly lesson and be thankful for everyone who walks in the door on Wednesday evening - even if it's just one person.  Do I make my grocery list with healthy choices and stick with it when I walk through the store?  Do I keep moving?

Do I take the advice of this Japanese Proverb?