The Enemy

This battle with my weight drains and defeats me.

In a battle, you need to know your enemy.

Who is my enemy?

I am my own worst enemy!

I am heartsick and battle weary.

But I haven't given up hope.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick.

But a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

Proverbs 13:12

Time to Walk the Walk

The Bible study, New Beginnings is finished and we're taking a break from FP4H until after the first of the year.

Going it 'alone' without the benefit of my support group and the regular Bible study to keep me focused on Christ is going to be tough. I can already feel myself slipping into old habits.

I needed a break from leading the class, but I clearly still need the accountability our group offers.

The next few weeks will be a test to see what I've learned and taken to heart and what I've just regurgitated for the benefit of the ladies sitting in the circle this past year.

I am determined to keep pressing on toward the goal that has been set before me.

Welcome to the Clean Plate Club

My dinner plate.  How many meals have been served on it?  How many times have I had to wash it, dry it, put it away — only to get it out and get it dirty again?

There's no getting around the fact that every day that plate (or another one just like it) will require daily cleaning.  With the strong possibility that it might need cleaning more than once a day.

A never ending cycle — clean, dirty, clean, dirty, clean. Some days are cleaner than others. But as long as the plate is being used, it must be cleaned.

I don't think about the gross junk that was stuck to it yesterday and I can't worry about what might be dried on it tomorrow. I just need to clean the plate today. That's just the way it is.

Living healthy and making wise food choices is also a never ending cycle. With some days being easier and others — not so much.

I need to make intentional choices about the quantity and quality of the food I eat.

I can't worry about the gross junk I've eaten in the past and I can't worry about how I might mess up tomorrow. I need to just live in the present, making the best possible choices for me today.

In other words I can't give up and quit trying. I need to clean up my stinking thinking and do the next right thing. That's just the way it is.

My dinner plate also reminds me of forgiveness.  God's forgiveness.  No matter how many times I get all icky and stinky with sin, God willingly and gently cleans me up and gets me ready to be used for His good purpose.

Thank God that's the way it is!!

Lesson Learned

Air in my tires and a bottle of water. I was set for a long ride on my Huffy Cruiser this morning. I took a route that I was familiar with, planning on doing at least 10 miles.  Although it was hot and humid I knew I could do it.

Five miles into the ride I reached down to get a drink of water and discovered that my water bottle had fallen out of the holder.

Hoping to find the bottle (was really getting thirsty by now) I turned my Huffy around and headed back the way I came. My eyes sweeping the side of the road.  I knew it would be easy to identify. After all, how many brand new unopened bottles of Dasani do you see laying in the ditch?

I was pretty sure I knew where I'd dropped it. I had gone over some pretty wicked speed bumps. It must have fallen there... Nope.

I thought about the sharp turns I'd made. That's where it was...Nada.

Where I had stopped for traffic...Not there.

Dozens of water bottles were strewn along the road. Twice I was almost fooled when I spotted Dasani bottles with the green cap still on.  I decided they weren't mine. 

With only a couple of miles from home I gave up my search. After all it was only a bottle of water.  No biggie.

Less than a mile from home I spotted it!

A deer had been hit by a car and died along the side of the road and when I went by it this morning I couldn't take my eyes off of the sad sight. Because I wasn't keeping focused on the path ahead I swerved, lost my balance and almost fell off my bike.  Obviously I didn't notice that my water bottle had fallen out.

I can't imagine what the people driving by thought when they saw me pick up the discarded bottle and started drinking it!

Today's adventure seems a lot like my weight loss efforts.

I start out with the right equipment, and I know I will encounter some obstacles along the way but I have the right attitude and I know I can succeed. Then I allow myself to get distracted and take my eyes off the course before me.  I hit speed bumps, encounter some sharp turns, I get fooled by quick-fix gimicks and sometimes come to a complete stop.

Then I begin to rationalize that a few extra pounds are no big deal.

Fortunately for me our First Place 4 Health class is about to start because I need to go back and retrace my 'steps' and figure out where I messed up this summer.

August 21 I will start A New Beginning.  The 12-week Bible study will encourage and give me a fresh start in reaching my weight loss goal.

Some of the time will be spent going back over familiar territory. I'm ok with that because I'm at least moving and I know that God will have a few surprises for me along the way.


"Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:13-14)

GREAT-Grandmother!

I'm not used to the new title, but I will proudly claim it.

Briley Grace was born July 21, 2011. She was 7 pounds, 9 ounces and 19 inches long at birth.

I am truly grateful that God has blessed our family with beautiful and healthy babies.

Hills to Climb

Today was a perfect day for a bike ride.

I'm bored with my regular neighborhood routes so I set out for parts less traveled - which meant crossing highways and that scares me a little.

Two miles from home I felt really strong and very brave when I decided to take a country highway.  It was liberating to be so far from home on a road I rarely traveled.

The wind was blowing through my hand-me -down helmet and I felt vigorous and athletic on my 5-speed Huffy. I wasn't paying attention to the fact that most of my journey had been gentle slopes down hill — until I hit the 5-mile mark and turned around to go home.

The ride back home was less exhilarating when my legs started to feel like jello.  I felt very foolish when at one hill I had to get off and walk the bike for several yards. For sure I wasn't looking very athletic to the cars whizzing by.

My bike ride today is a lot like my weigh loss effort.  I had lost 20 pounds and felt strong and confident that I would continue until I got to my goal weight.

Instead, over the last couple of weeks I've started 'coasting' with my food choices and quantities. One small piece of cake, a hand-full of chips with my sandwich, a piece of garlic toast with my spaghetti... small choices that weren't disastrous by themselves.

Until I hit the 5-pound mark.

I need to turn around and face those slippery slopes I so willingly and freely went down and start the uphill climb — again, and again and again, until I get it in my mind and my heart that I need to pay attention to the choices I make every single time I eat something.

Do I feel foolish? Yes!
Am I defeated? No!

Just like the hills I faced today. They were tough, and it was slow going, but I did it, and the NEXT time I go out, I'll pay more attention to where I'm going and how I'll get back!

It's Decided!

Because of scheduling changes at FBC, the FP4H class needed to be moved to Sunday evenings — a time slot I wasn't thrilled with.  Sunday evenings have traditionally been a time for me to chill-lax at home before the rush of a new work week hits.

But I decided that I needed the class and sacrificing my Sunday evening was a small price to pay for a smaller number on the scales.

Besides, change in inevitable, right?

Once I conceded that I could give up my Sunday evening for a smaller pant size, I started to think about other positives:

•  It might open the class to more people.
•  We won't be rushing from our jobs to get there on time.
•  Weighing in might help keep us 'on track' over the weekend (the hardest days as far as I'm concerned).
•  The encouragement I get on Sunday evening will inspire me to have a great week.

Orientation will be 6 p.m., Sunday,
Aug. 21 @ First Baptist Church, Rock Hill

I am committed to live the life God has called me to live, and if that means giving up "The Amazing Race" on Sunday nights.

So-be-it.

Head Games

Today is the Lake Wylie Splash Dash 2011.  I signed up the glow of my "Big Win" at the Thin Mint Sprint @ Carowinds last month.

This morning I've wondered, "What was I thinking…"

The hills are going to be steep, there will more experienced runners and it's going to be hot.

Still, there's hope that I won't embarrass myself.

Since my first 5k last November I have become stronger physically, I've lost 20 pounds, and mentally I am focused on my personal time I need to beat, 44.31.

So it really won't matter if I'm the last one across the finish line today.  I'm already a winner just for trying.

What's Next

The Made to Crave sessions are over.  I was ready for the summer break but I can't help but wonder what's next.

I didn't lose a whole lot over the past seven weeks. But I gained a whole lot.

I gained six powerful words that encourage me and keep me focused and on track.

Determination, Empowerment, Truth, Peace, Beneficial and Courageous

I gained a fresh perspective about food and the importance it's had on humanity since the beginning of time. I was made to consume food, food should never consume me.

I gained some powerful Bible verses to add to my arsenal of weapons against this on-going battle of the bulge. I have circled this mountain long enough. I'm heading north.

I've gained confidence about who I am in Christ. God wants to use this struggle to bring me closer to Him. I was made to crave God, not food.

I gained a whole bunch of new Jesus Girl friends!

I can't wait to see what's next.

Minor Miracle

My Dad died in his early 50's. My Mom died in her early 60's.  My siblings are all gone too. I thought of  my entire family today as I participated in a 5k race.  Here I am, 60 years old and physically able to run/walk a race!

I was doing something that my parents and brother and sisters never had the chance — or the ability to do.

Several years ago an orthopedic Dr. told me that my knees were a disaster waiting to blow out.  I've had to have them drained and been given injections of cortisone.  There are days they are so stiff with arthritis I wonder how I'll make it across the room. Yet today they carried me 3.1 miles to the finish line.

It's been a gradual process.  Months in the making. Weeks went by that I didn't see any progress, but I wasn't willing to give up on the idea that I can lose weight and lower my health stats (blood sugar, cholesterol and pressure) and spend the rest of my time on this earth taking care of what God has blessed me with.

Coming to the realization that my weight and my food choices are a direct reflection of my relationship with Christ has given me the desire and determination to make permanent changes in the way I live my life.

Walking was a way to get my heart rate up and burn some of those extra calories that quickly stack up.  The Dr. advised that walking was the only way to slow the progression of arthritis. Walking has been a stress reliever. Walking has empowered me and given me physical, mental, and emotional strength. Walking has given me confidence.

I've had the motivation to stick with it because of the FP4H Bible study and the Made to Crave class we've just finished.

The encouragement and advice I've been given by my daughter Jody has been invaluable.

I've been blessed with the physical ability to get out there and move.

Today's race was called the Thin Mint Sprint.

I expected to see Thin Mints at the finish line.  No Thin Mints, but the water, granola bar and banana suited me fine.

I expected to improve on my time. I beat my last race by 2 minutes.

I expected to be in the back of the pack the entire race. I finished 1st in my age division!!!  (ok, full disclosure I was the ONLY one in the 60+ category — but still...)

Today was a minor miracle.  A spiritual marker.  I'm moving faster than I ever thought I could or would at age 60. I'm losing weight. I'm feeling good. I'm learning that with God it's never too late for a fresh start and a strong ending!

Stinking, rotten, no-good days

The Made to Crave lesson last night about the curse of the skinny jeans hits home for me.  The number on the scale or on the label in my pants is not the source of my peace and joy.


Remembering that the Creator of the Universe loves me and is in control — now THAT gives me peace and a deep joy that can never be taken from me, even on the stinking, rotten, no-good days!

Measurable Goals

One of the things I've learned from leading these Bible studies that are focusing on weight loss and living a healthy lifestyle is that I need goals.

Short-term goals that are easily measured, that will give me small victories along the way that will encourage me to stay focused on the long-term goal of being health and getting off meds for high blood pressure and cholesterol and avoiding Type II Diabetes.

I know I'm not defined by a number on the scale or a size in my waistband. Yet, there is a great sense of victory for me when I put on pants that I bought last summer and I'm starting to look like one of the boys in da 'hood.

I love putting them on and the freedom I feel. Not necessarily freedom from the tight waistband (although that's nice), it's freedom from the quilt and shame I've been carrying with all that extra weight.

My friend Carolyn told me today that I needed to get some new pants.  It might be time.

But

I'm

not

ready

for

spandex

yet.

Turning north with friends

I did something I've never done before.  I tried to get a group together to go walking this morning. I knew it would be dicey because it's a busy weekend, but it was worth a try.

I wasn't sure I would like walking with other people —if I could keep up with them (or less likely if they could keep up with me).

When I stepped outside and it was damp and drizzly and on the cool side I couldn't help feeling regret that I'd suggested that we meet at 8 a.m.  Me and my big ideas.  Why do things always sound so good in the moment then later…not so much?

But I'd committed, and Carolyn and Rona said they would be there, so there was no turning back. I had to go.

It was misting heavy enough to need my windshield wipers on to get to the park. Ugh!  What was I thinking?

I love walking, but I'm a fair-weather walker.  I see little sense in freezing, getting soaked or over heated.

When I got to the park there was hardly anyone else around.  Another sign that this was a bad idea.  Not even the die-hard exercise freaks were out. Groan!

About a 1/4 of a mile into the walk the three of us settled into a comfortable pace and I totally forgot about the damp chill in the air.  Soon the jacket came off.

Before I knew it, we'd lapped the park three times and logged 4 miles, the sun was starting to burn off the clouds and the trail was starting to get crowded!

Our last Made to Crave session encouraged us to find accountability partners to keep us focused and on track. Basic, common sense advice that when taken to heart got me out of my slippers and into my walking shoes — with the side benefit of making some wonderful new friends!

I have recently found a lot of encouragement from Deuteronomy 2:3, "You have made your way around this hill country long enough; now turn north."

I love the idea that I'm not heading north by myself.

While there's still time...

A few years ago my sister and I sat on her little deck at her home near St. Louis enjoying the backyard filled with flowers and scores of hummingbirds darting between her many feeders. We sipped ice tea, and talked about old times, hard times and good times as the scorching July sun would finally give way to the night.

One evening she took a deep drag off of her cigarette, exhaled, looked me straight in the eye and proceeded to tell me that I had gained too much weight and that I needed to start taking better care of myself.

Her blunt comment wasn't meant to be hurtful.

I couldn't disagree with her assessment of the health risks I was creating for myself. She was right of course.  I was on medicine for high blood pressure and high cholesterol, I was borderline diabetic and my knees were protesting from the extra weight.

But it's pretty hard to take health advise from someone with a cigarette in one hand and a recent diagnosis of terminal lung cancer in the other.

My sister died a few months after that visit.  It was too late for her to make changes that would extend or improve the quality of her life here on earth.

But wasn't too late for me.

I am not wasting any more time stuck in a rut of discouragement, defeat, guilt and embarrassment.  By the power of the Holy Spirit I am learning to turn to God, not food, when I'm lonely, bored, discouraged or stressed.  I am learning that I'm made to consume food, food is not supposed to consume me.

Me and my 'big' sister, Dorothy.
Taken a few months before she died from lung cancer.

FAT Snowball

Finished Session 2 of Made to Crave. It was a good class except that I talked too much as usual.  We had good discussion about some of the challenges we face, and I loved it when some of the ladies were willing to share some of their victories.

I'm all about acknowledging when I've messed up and then celebrating what I've done right.

One of the Jesus Girls talked about how she and her husband have attended Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University and they have started budgeting, using the envelope system and are becoming debt free. She was frustrated because she and her husband were able to work through their financial issues, yet she struggles to put a food plan together and stick with it.

First off, I think she's being too hard on herself, but I understand her frustration.

You don't get out of debt or lose weight over night.  It takes the "want to" to make it happen, it takes a plan and the willingness to sacrifice and suffer some discomfort, it takes goals and the patience to reach them and it takes small victories along the way to keep you motivated and moving toward success.

Part of Dave Ramsey's plan involves what he calls the debt snowball.  Identify your debt, pay off the smallest debt first and roll that payment into the next debt until it's paid, and so on.  He acknowledges that this plan helps the bottom line, but more importantly those small victories keep you motivated to tackle the next debt.

For me to be able to lose weight I had the find the 'want to'.  I needed a plan, and the willingness to sacrifice and 'suffer' some discomfort. I needed goals and the patience to reach them.  I NEED the small victories along the way to keep me motivated and moving toward success.

I'm trying NOT to visualize that each time I lose a pound of fat that it's snowballing into a big round ball somewhere.  That's just gross!  (Here's where I make a pun about my bottom line.) But the small victory of that first pound, eventually five, then ten and now 20 is keeping me focused on succeeding.

I've had setbacks and challenges and weeks where I've actually gained weight.  Working through money issues are similar.  There will always be cars that breakdown, a large utility bill or emergencies. There will always be long hours at work, a family celebration or boredom, loneliness and grief. But having the 'want to', the plan and the willingness to sacrifice and 'suffer' will get you through the rough patches, so why not celebrate the victories and keep working on that snowball.

Being $20,000 in debt and being 20 pounds over weight have a lot in common working towards the bottom line. (Sorry, I couldn't help myself!)

Victory Lap

I finished my 5k race in 46:14 minutes.  Not great by most standards and I didn't win any awards or medals, in fact I didn't even get a t-shirt (I registered late and they ran out), but I am ok with that.  I was 'racing' for other reasons.

I made an observation today. We all need accountability, encouragement, and someone/something who will motivate you to do your best.

You could spot the 'real' runners by the tan skin, flat stomachs, and those fancy running shorts. Most of the people seemed to be with family or friends and there were a good many people who appeared to be there for the moral support and to cheer them on.

Today I was by myself, but I wasn't alone. Thankfully I too have been blessed with accountability, encouragement and motivation.

At 5:30 a.m. when the alarm went off I started to self-doubt and talk myself out of even going, in spite of the fact that the weather was near-perfect for a race. I was going by myself,  I didn't have the ''outfit' and I certainly didn't have the flat stomach. I knew that I would be at the back of the pack from the get-go.

Having already paid my money kept me on track, I wasn't about to waste $25.  I think if I would have waited to register the day of the race I would have blown the whole thing off, rolled over and slept in.

My daughter and best friend, Jody, races and has been a constant source of support.  The thought of even competing in a 5k had never crossed my mind until she started planting the seeds of encouragement last summer. This was my 3rd 5k!

And as for my motivation, that seems to be coming from my deep desire to get healthy, be a good leader to our Bible study group and ultimately be able to give God all the glory for changing me on the inside and out.

I call today a NSV. Non-Scale Victory.  A NSV that is helping to build my sense of accomplishment, my sense of empowerment, my determination to make good choices for my body and soul.

Today I took a victory lap.

Empowered

Our First Place 4 Health class has finished for the season, but we aren't.

We've taken a break from the program and decided to do the new Bible study, Made to Crave for the next six weeks.  There was a great turn-out for our first class.  Lots of diversity in age, life experiences and weight.  I'm pretty sure that we're all going to be blessed by the study, each other and God's Word as we allow it to penetrate our minds and our hearts.

Last night Lysa TerKeurst, the author of the study, spoke to us on DVD about changing our way of thinking from feeling deprived about the choices we make to realizing that we are empowered by God to make permanent and meaningful changes in our life.  That we can move from craving food to craving a deeper relationship with Him.

Because I'm facilitating the class I'm a few days ahead of the group and I would like to share with you what being Empowered looked like for me today .

This box of cookies was dropped off at my desk about 2 hours before lunch time.  These Come See Me treats just screamed, Eat Me, especially since the cottage cheese and toasted bagel from breakfast were just a faint memory to my stomach by 10 a.m.

Ordinarily I would have taken one and then left the box at my desk for anyone who happened by and then finished up the left-overs when no one was looking.  But today I took fast action and made the rounds, handing out every single cookie in the box before my resolve gave way to the purple frosting.

The real miracle was that I didn't feel deprived, I felt empowered because I decided that a sugar cookie loaded with frosting wasn't worth the guilt  I would feel after I wiped the last crumb from my chin.

When lunch time finally rolled around I made another empowering choice. I had an apple, a cheese stick, a Fiber Plus bar and a Diet Coke and I was good for the rest of the afternoon and didn't think about food until dinner time.

An old Weight Watcher saying, "Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels," is true, but an even truer saying is "Nothing tastes as good as being empowered!"

It should be noted that I won today's battle with frosted sugar cookies, and I might not do as well tomorrow or the day after, but I'm ok with that, since all I can do is worry about today. Tomorrow has enough worries of it's own.

Weeds in my garden

Some people would look at this dandelion and see salad. No thanks. There are dogs who regularly pass by the backyard.

Some people would look at the yellow flower and think it's was intentionally planted. It wasn't.

I don't want to admit how many times I've tried to dig it up, but it keeps coming back because I didn't get all of the root, apparently it's very deep.

The same could be said about sin in my life.

Many of my thistles are revealed on a daily basis to everyone who knows me.

The sins I commit aren't 'biggies' that would garner national attention. They are usually small petty things like pride, anger, bitterness and over eating — things that blend in with the people around me so it looks normal and in place.

Every day I try to avoid gossip. I try to treat others like I want to be treated. I try to make wise food choices. I try to bring honor to God by my words and actions.

Every day I try, yet the dandelions in my life keep coming back because I can't dig deep enough to get to the root of my problem.

Then of course I'm reminded "Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit," says the Lord Almighty.

It's only by the power of the Holy Spirit that the sin in my life will be corrected and some day completely eradicated.

And knowing that "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Encourages me to keep digging, keep trying, because I want to look the very best on the inside and outside for the One who saved me.

Taking care of the garden

My weight loss journey is very much like tending my garden.

Every year at this time I'm filled with hope and visions for the backyard.  I will work feverishly getting weeds pulled, plants fed and beds mulched.  My muscles loudly protest at the bending, twisting, tugging and pulling and the poison ivy makes me miserable, but I press on because I know it will be worth it.

By late-spring everything is almost perfect. The flowers are blooming, the weeds are under control, insects aren't an issue and the warm glorious sun is a blessing for me and the plants. The vegetable garden has neat little rows of tomatoes, beans and squash, promising a bounty for our dinner table.  As soon as I'm prescribed prednisone the poison ivy blisters disappear.

I'm sure that Better Homes and Gardens will be calling soon wanting to do an article on the yard. Life is good.

Lamb's Ear

By the time summer approaches my muscles have forgiven me and the poison ivy has healed but the flower beds aren't as pretty as they could be.  The weeds have reappeared, black spot and insects — especially Japanese beetles — have become my nemesis, and the birds, rabbits and squirrels are regularly raiding the vegetable garden when I'm not looking.  I'm discouraged, but I haven't given up hope.

When August comes, I have retreated to the air conditioned living room. The sun has become an enemy and scorched what was left of my pitiful vegetable garden. The weeds have completely overrun the flower beds, the black spot has stripped the roses bare and the grass crunches under my feet. The only thing that's thriving is the lamb's ear which seems to be able to grow in concrete and the poison ivy is waiting patiently in the bushes to attack me at least one more time before Thanksgiving.

When I do venture out in the scalding heat it's only long enough to declare that I give up. I'm not going to bother with a garden next year because it's just not worth the effort.

The winter months will find me daydreaming about tulips, roses and fresh tomatoes. I've completely forgotten about the failures, heat and skin rashes. I'm spending a good deal of my time perusing garden magazines trying to decide what I'll put in place of plants that didn't make it last year. I can almost taste the tomato sandwiches AND I have a new soap that's supposed to prevent poison ivy.

The changes I'm making physically, spiritually, emotionally and mentally are just like my garden.  There are different seasons each bringing different challenges. I've had set backs and become very discouraged but I know that there are also rewards to my effort and if something isn't working out like I had hoped it would …well... I'll just focus on what is working, start thinking about what I can do different next time and be very thankful that exercising regularly, making good food choices and staying in God's Word will not expose me to poison ivy.

Group Effort

Did you know that you needed two different varieties of blueberry bushes to produce blueberries? I didn't until I went shopping for some plants last week.

Apparently they need each other to cross-pollenate to bear fruit.

When I look at the two bushes I can't tell the difference except for the garden tag that identifies them as Powder Blue and Tifblue plants.  They look exactly the same to my amateur eye, but I've been assured by the master gardener who sold them to me that they have the different DNA required to fill my freezer full of blueberries in about three years.

Which got me to thinking, about our FP4H class. Although we don't all look alike we need others to cross-pollenate to bear fruit, to succeed, to become strong and healthy individuals.

The exchange of ideas, encouragement and feedback from our different DNA is vital to our ability to bear fruit. It was God's intention for us to need Him and each other.

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work." Ecclesiastes 4:9

We share other similarities with my blueberry plants. Our root system will naturally run shallow until the Master Garden prunes us; we require full Son; and when we bloom where we are planted the fruit we bear will be sweet.

Take THAT Aetna!

     For the past few months I've been receiving letters from Aetna, my medical insurance provider, telling me that it was very likely that I had developed diabetes and I needed to see my physician to help me control the disease.
     I was annoyed with the insurance company that they would presume to know what's best for me.
     Of course they didn't realize that I have been steadily losing weight with the FP4H class (18 pounds now!), I've been exercising regularly and I've eliminated most of the refined sugars and unhealthy fats from my diet.
     However Aetna should know that I see my Dr. for regular check-ups and she is diligent in monitoring my blood stats — they pay the claims.
   Yesterday was my scheduled annual visit to the Dr. and all of my blood tests revealed a drastic improvement from a year ago.  My blood pressure was normal, and for the first time since my cholesterol levels have been monitored my totals were well below 200, and the best news ever was that my blood sugar was well within normal limits! Yea me!
     My Dr. mentioned the letters she had received from Aetna informing her that I was diabetic and that she should change up my meds to treat the disease.
     She commented, "They are acting like I'm not doing a good job treating you!"as she pulled four letters from the file and threw them away.
     How cool is that, that I've been freed from the threat of diabetes, even my medical file is getting thinner and Aetna will have to dream up something else to worry about!

Trying Something New

     Saturday I attended a Day of Dance event sponsored by Piedmont Medical Center.  They offered free screenings for high blood pressure, cholesterol and blood sugar in addition to hours of dance demonstrations.
     I was pretty pleased with most of my "numbers" — cholesterol was down and my blood sugar was excellent which told me these last few months with FP4H is making a difference on more than just a number on the scale. I was a bit bummed that my blood pressure was still elevated, but I admit I still have more tonnage to lose and this too will change.  
     The dance demonstrations were great.  Line dancing, jazzercise, shag, tango, salsa and even belly dancing!
     At one point in the conference two ladies demonstrated the hula hoop. Now THAT was something I could do!
     After carefully surveying the backyard to make sure my neighbor couldn't see me, I stepped into an old hoop that has been out in the shed for 18+ years (we don't throw much away at our house) and let it fly. It went straight to the ground.  Time after time I tried to twirl that darn hoop and time after time it fell around my ankles within nano-seconds.
     Finally, after several desperate attempts and with sweat running down my face, I gave up. Thank goodness the only witness to my failure was my dog Sadie and she seemed bored with the whole process.
     It was ridiculous!  When I was a kid I could do it! It's like riding a bicycle, you just COULDN'T forget how to hula hoop, could you?
     I Googled hula hoops.  Who knew there would be so many websites and YouTube demonstrations on the hoop? Who knew they are called weighted cardio core hoops? Who knew that even Michelle Obama was into hooping? First Lady
   Turns out, the little plastic hoop hanging in the shed is too small and too light for an adult. My circumference was to big for it's circumference. *sigh*
     I couldn't stand it — I wanted a hula hoop and I wanted one NOW! (I'll blog again some other time about the lesson on being impulsive…)
     The hoops come in sections so you can travel with them, although I can't imagine where I would vacation with my new hoop.
    They are padded. (For that I am thankful — but more about that later.)
    They are colorful and weighted.
    After easy assembly victory was quickly mine, the hoop stayed on my hips for about a minute before it came crashing down.  Progress!
    It didn't take long to work up another sweat as I tried to keep beat to music and keep the hoop above my knees. It also didn't take long for my ribs to start protesting.  Clearly my love handles weren't appreciating the 3-pound metal massage.
     I'll take it slow for the next few days to let the bruising heal, but I'm really excited about being able to work on my 'core' muscles and maybe, just maybe I'll look as good as the core hoop model.

     Yea, right…

Keep on Keeping On

    A couple of us were chatting before class.  The yearning for tacos, ice cream and greasy hamburgers dominated the conversation. This is probably a shocking statement, but NO one spoke fondly of carrot sticks, yogurt, cottage cheese or apples.
     I doubt that it's a coincidence that the lesson this week is about completing the task. The writers for FP4H knew after a few weeks of "being good" hardships, trials and life in general would start taking its toll on me and the group.
     Boy has it!  In just eight short weeks illness, surgery and even death has touched our group.
     My personal work schedule regularly throws me off course.  Long stressful hours at the desk are not conducive to my success.
    After eight weeks of trying to make wise and healthy choices I've hit a wall. It's decision time. Do I give up or keep trying?
     Fortunately for me, the conversation later in the evening (thank you Alan) reminded me that this weight-loss journey is very similar to my journey as a believer in Christ.
     When I first became a Christian 11 years ago everything was fresh and new and exciting.  I wanted to attend every conference and concert and join every Bible study available. I was on fire!!
    Years later, I'm very selective about the conferences, Bible studies and service projects I commit to.  I'm no less in love with Jesus (in fact more so), but I understand that it's a life-time commitment and I don't need to cram everything in at once.  Beside the fact that it wasn't realistic.  I have very real and worldly commitments that needed my attention.
     I had to learn to incorporate my love for Jesus into my life.
     My desire to lose weight and improve my health is a life-time commitment and a 12-week program isn't going to get me where I need to be physically, spiritually, emotionally or mentally. Beside the fact that it's not realistic. I'm not on the Biggest Loser Ranch, I have very real and worldly commitments that need my attention.
     I need to learn to incorporate my lifestyle goals into my life.
     So to answer my own question, yes.  Even though I've hit a wall, I'm determined to push through it and keep on keeping on.
     One thing is for sure, if I keep heading in the same direction, I'll end up where I'm going.

Self-Evaluation

     This week in the study we were challenged to reflect on our Live-It journal and identify choices that would be pleasing to God.

     Ten boxes to fill — no problem. I raced through the list.  I was pretty confident that God was really proud of me this week because I had tried Greek yogurt, walked three laps around Cherry Park and kept up with my daily Bible study. It was a very good week for me!

     Then the lesson asked me to identify ten choices that I had made this past week that wouldn't be pleasing to God. Ten boxes to fill — BIG problem.  My pencil was poised over the first box for several minutes while thought about the past week.  It wasn't easy to admit that I had indulged in ginger snaps all weekend, and was it a really big deal that when I fell asleep during my prayer time Thursday, and for that matter was it necessary to call it to God's attention that I ate three pieces of pizza and no vegetables on Saturday?

     After looking at my list, it was embarrassing. I wasn't impressed and I'm pretty sure that God wasn't blown away by my less-than stellar effort.

     Thankfully I was reminded that God's grace covers me completely, even when I'm skipping the salad and going right for the ice cream.

     Reading the story of prodigal son, the father never stopped loving the son while he was on the crazy train, and he quickly embraced him when he stopped being stupid and came home.
     God's love for me is not contingent on what I do — or don't do.

     It's inspiring to know that He cannot love me more and will not love me less, which gives me all the more reason to keep trying to fill up the boxes with choices that will please Him.

Something's Different...

Lose 15 lbs. and part your hair different and people start to notice.

Gracie 1, Lizard 0

I was right. As soon as I let Gracie go outside, death and destruction quickly followed.  The lizard never had a fighting chance.

Fast Food

     I've been chewing on a conversation (sorry for the pun — sometimes I can't help myself) we had in our FP4H class a few weeks ago.
     Kim was sharing about a time she had recently gone out to an all-you-can eat pizza place with her nephew. He was being a typical teenager, wolfing down his food without even stopping to chew. She was amazed at the speed and volume of food he ate.
     If I get overly hungry or just in a big hurry, I'll do the same thing. I'll grab something and scarf it down and never really taste it.
     When I'm trying to make healthy eating choices that's the kind of fast food I need to avoid. It sets me up to eat too many calories before the 'fullness factor' kicks in.
     Another problem with eating at wrap speed. I might be getting proper nourishment, but I'm not ENJOYING the food and before I know it, I'm craving something else to eat.
    Many healthy eating programs (aka diets) recommend three balanced meals and a couple of small snacks a day so you won't get overly hungry. It's also recommended that you eat slowly, giving your stomach time to send a message to your brain that you're full.
     It's good advice and putting it into practice is good for my body.
     I'm also trying to apply that principle to reading the Bible. Cramming in a week's Bible lesson on Sunday afternoon, or grabbing a quick devotional in the morning on my way out the door is ok — certainly better than nothing, but I really need to make sure I stop and savor God's Word. Take time to chew on it and digest it.  Give it time to move from my head to my heart and to my hands and feet.
     A steady balanced diet of the Bread of Life is good for my soul.

Gracie often "helps" me with my Bible study

More Lessons From Gracie

     I have nose prints on every window in the house.  Gracie nose prints.  She longs to be outside and on nice days she sits by the back door crying, begging to go outside.  Every time I go to the door it is a battle of wills that require quick reflexes.
     I keep Gracie inside for her protection. Being outside is too dangerous. Cars, coyotes, dogs could drastically shorten her life.

     It's not likely that I will every change her mind about going outside. She will always struggle with the idea that she can't be out crouching under the rose bush waiting for an unsuspecting robin.
     My lesson from Gracie?
     I long for calorie rich, cholesterol-laden carbs. Instead of nose prints, you'll find my finger prints on the cookies, cheesecake, ice cream, potato chips and warm rolls straight from the oven.
     It's tempting to think my weight-loss journey is something that has imprisoned me, that I'm sentenced to a life without buttery popcorn and mac 'n cheese.
     The difference is, I have the God-given ability to change my attitude. I have the choice to allow God to change my way of thinking.
     Restricting certain foods right now isn't to imprison me, it's to protect me. And when I get my head around that idea, It's easier to make wise and healthy choices.
     High blood pressure, high cholesterol, type-2 diabetes and cancer are just as dangerous as cars, coyotes and dogs. If I continue to load up on starchy carbs, statistics show that my life-span will be shortened. Period. End of discussion.
     Saying "No thank you," to the pudding-filled chocolate-covered doughnuts at the office is for my protection.  I can't handle it right now. It's as dangerous as a copperhead coiled under the azalea bush.
     Staying out of the 'frig is a battle of wills that require quick reflexes.
     When I HALT (ask myself, am I really Hungry? Or am I just Angry, Lonely or Tired?) those nano-seconds give me time to decide if I need to back away from the food or go ahead and eat something.
     Gracie will always yearn to be on the sun-drenched patio playing with butterflies, and there might be a time that I'll let her go outside, but just for short periods and always under my watchful eye.
     Fortunately, God has been doing a work in me and I'm understanding that I might have to give up something good right now for something better.  Sure, there will be a time that I can have garlic bread with my lasagna, but not right now, not until I'm stronger — and never unsupervised!

Gracie and Me

This time last year Gracie was a pitiful, scrawny kitten that had been thrown away, rescued and put up for adoption. She lived in a cage for weeks at PetSmart.


Living with us changed that, her belly is full and her coat shines. She is safe, warm and dry and even has the sweet warm spot on the bed between Glenn and me when we sleep.


She clearly remembers being hungry because she can't bear to see her food bowl empty. She's come to assume if I walk by her bowl, I should fill it. She almost comes out of her skin when I come home from work because that means I'll feed her.


I KNOW she's not hungry, yet she constantly craves food. I often have to divert her attention to something else just to get her mind off of her food bowl.


In a lot of ways I'm like Gracie.  No, I wasn't thrown away or ever lived in a cage. (Though I have been rescued.) I'm safe, warm and content in my life.


Yet I crave food too. I get something in my head and nothing will satisfy me until I have it. I crave dark chocolate, salty chips, sweet cool ice cream, a medium-rare rib eye, greasy onion rings— the list could go on.


I associate certain things with food.  Celebrating a birthday…Where's the cake? It's Friday…where's the pizza? I just got home from work and dinner's not ready…pass the chips and salsa!


It takes a lot of self control to stay out of the cupboard and think about something else besides the ginger snaps.  After all, I have thumbs and I can open by own bag of Twizzlers.


These last few weeks in the FP4H class I've been reminded that I have a whole arsenal of weapons that can help me with my struggle with food.  Weapons this will destroy the stronghold that satan has on me.


Repentance, rest, quietness and trust will help me make permanent healthy changes to my life.  It's a slow process, but everyday I'm getting stronger with God's help.

Check out Made to Crave

Check out Made to Crave

The book's got some good stuff to take to heart!

Lions and Foxes — Oh No!

The lesson this week gave us some great visual images of our enemy.

The roaring, prowling lion waiting to devour me is intimidating and I'm totally OK with standing back and letting God take care of him. Instinctively I know I'm out of my league when it comes to taking the devil on.

Heart disease, diabetes, blood clots, cancer in my life?  I need God. He will sustain, strengthen, comfort and defeat the roaring lion. Biggies like that call for a Big God.

But what about the foxes?

I always think I can handle them on my own and don't want to bother God with small stuff. I am often lulled into a false sense of security thinking that I can handle the stress, boredom, loneliness, bitterness, insecurity and worry by standing guard, building fences and even asking friends to help shoo them away. Other methods of coping are found in a box of Betty Crocker brownie mix, Blue Bell ice cream and a second helping of macaroni and cheese…

Problem is, I might be successful occasionally, but another fox pops up, then another, and another. Picture a wack-a-mole game if you will, and before you know it, I'm even more stressed, bored, lonely, bitter, insecure and worried — and I've gained 10 more pounds!

I need to take it to heart that God is interested in all aspects of my life. He's there for me with the big stuff, and the small stuff.  And it's only through Him that I will be able to claim victory over the roaring lion and little foxes. When I'm focused on God, and God alone, the junk around me won't have a chance to bring me down.

The very least I can do is be self controlled and alert and avoid the roaring lion and little foxes when possible. Doing so will honor God and provide me with daily victory and daily joy!

It's a God thing

We were missing a few people in the group last night.  It's to be expected.  We all have a lot to juggle in our day-to-day lives and sometimes we drop something to keep the rest of our 'stuff' in the air.


This is only the second FP4H class I've led, but I'm pretty sure it's typical in any weight-loss class for some to drop out when the numbers on the scale aren't moving much.


The FP4H class is set apart from other weight-loss programs because the focus is on Christ — and keeping Him the center of our spiritual, emotional, mental and physical life. When we begin to acknowledge WHAT God expects of us and we DO it because we understand WHY it's so important, the journey to a happier and healthier life is made easier.


The journey is easier for another reason. We aren't alone.  When we attend the meetings we discover others, just like ourselves, with similar struggles and obstacles. And with similar victories.


After spending a few hours at home with the Bible study and God's Word each week, your heart is prepared to hear something that someone else is willing to share on class night.  Those words of encouragement or advice will resonate in your mind and in your heart and will give you the strength and self-control to make wise choices the coming week.


An email from Kim proves my point,  "Hi, the week is going well.  I'm finding that more than anything, this program is giving me will power.  My diets usually only last a few hours, until that first big temptation.  It's like before I felt like the only person who was disappointed was me, now I'm seeing that my disobedience dishonors God, and that's not what I aim to do. Thanks!"

Or when Becky shared last night that she was ready to give up on the class when the Bible verse this week about making a vow and sticking with it changed her mind and her heart.

Or when Barbara told us about the Zumba, she was planting the seeds of motivation for others to try it.

We aren't designed to be alone. We need God and we need each other to reach our goal.

Please Speak Well of Me

Ecclesiastes 5:5 "It is better not to make a vow than to make one and not fulfill it."


A strong warning to remind me to think before I speak, to say what I mean and mean what I say.


The Weepies say it beautifully.


Please Speak Well of Me, The Weepies

Measureable Goals

It was a great class last night and I especially enjoyed hearing all of the goals we've set for ourselves.  Going shopping for new clothes, feeling better, playing tennis, riding your bike again, were all great goals, on target and very doable.  I especially liked the plans to get new swimsuits and where you were going to wear them this summer.  You go girls!

I think Debi summed it up for us when she said, "When I lose weight I will Praise God!"

I just got a report on our Mr. Alan.  He was in  Florida working this week, but managed to run a 5k in 30 minutes.  Good job!!!

Encouraging words

^{Deuteronomy 30:11} Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach.


I've pondered this verse for two weeks now and decided to look at it in it's context.


God was telling His people that they needed to obey Him. If they did, life would be full and prosperous for them.  If they didn't, things weren't going to go well.


That verse is as relevant today as it was then.


When it comes to my weight and over-all health, if I continue to ignore the number on the scale I'm not being obedient to God and His plan for me. My health will suffer and my life will be limited and maybe even shortened.


It would be easy to get discouraged, except when I focus on the central theme of the verse.  Nothing God commands of me will be too difficult or beyond my reach.


Note: He didn't promise it wouldn't be difficult, He promised it wouldn't be too difficult; and He is telling me that I'll have to reach for what I want, it won't be handed to me.

Making the effort to just show up

My hour with the kids at the D.O.C.K. this a.m. was good, but I didn't feel like I contributed that much.  My hour in worship was o.k. too, but I didn't leave with a clear vision how I could apply the message I had just heard.  As I drove home I told God that I was feeling empty.

When I got home an email from my daughter, Jody was waiting for me, "Come to Elevation tonight for worship... the message is awesome..."

I immediately crafted a thanks but no thanks response.  I had a half-dozen good excuses for sending my regrets.

But I didn't press send.

Hadn't I just told God that I needed something to fire me up, inspire me, to guide me???  What's up with that.  He answers a prayer and I shrug it off because it would be easier to put on my p.j.s and watch t.v.?

It was settled. I was going to drive up to Elevation and hear the guest speaker from Australia's Hillsong Church, Christine Caine.

Her message was amazing and especially relevant to where I am in my life right now on so many levels.

I couldn't begin to do justice to the intense message she delivered.  But for starters, I need to embrace my space, stay where God has planted me. Even the most insignificant jobs are used to build the Church. I am being prepared for the next step.  My part in His plan is to show up and do the job that He's given me.

I'm so glad I made the choice to show up.  I was encouraged. I was blessed.

Now I'm ready for the p.j.'s...

Will-Power

Reading an article this a.m. about how scientists have decided that we have more of the ability to regulate our behavior than we think we do.  That our will-power is unlimited. Of course it is.

I have unlimited will-power when it comes to anchovies, liver pate and beets of any fashion.  Chocolate and cheesecake on the other hand, maybe not so much.

Last month I attended a Christmas program at First Baptist Church where chocolate cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory was served.

I had to restrain myself from licking the plate.  But my friend, Becky,  politely handed her plate across the table without hesitation. She said she didn't care much for cheesecake and chocolate doesn't do a thing for her.  Is she nuts???? (Visit the D.O.C.K. on Sunday mornings and decide for yourself.)

The scientific concept of regulating my behavior would require that I use my own inner strength. I'm pretty sure that's not going to work for me — at least it hasn't in past situations.

I need the power of the Holy Spirit to change my mind and my heart.  I need goals, long term and short term goals to keep me focused.  I need the accountability of being with other people who have similar goals. I need to sit next to Becky more often and maybe her good habits will rub off on me.

Welcome!

Welcome to Scaling Back!

The idea of a blog came to me this morning.  I spent most of my quiet time trying to come up with a clever title.  So much for that — it is what it is.


I'm constantly coming across a good devotional, a helpful tip or a new recipe that I want to share with everyone but I don't want to bomb bard you with emails and our class time is precious.  I know you're busy and I don't want to be a pest.  A blog might be the solution.  It's passive.  You can come to it when you want, and you can comment when you like.

It will also be an outlet to share some of my thoughts.

For instance you should know that I find it very humbling that I am leading a group on becoming a well balanced person.  I joke often that the only difference between you and me is that I'm one week ahead of you in the book.  But actually there are days that's not even true.  I'm struggling with the exact same issues that you face each day, finding time to complete my Bible study, filling out my Live-It Tracker, keeping up with my prayer journal, exercising, yada, yada, yada...

I've had the conversation with God that has gone something like this, "Dear God, are you SURE you want ME to lead this group?  There are so many others that are way-more qualified...shouldn't they at least be a size 10 to be a leader?"

But just when self-doubt starts to take over, something or someone comes along to remind me of God's Promise, "Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach."